Is It Worth It?

Though my body can bear a child, can my mind hold one?

I fold my clothes as a mother.

I button my shirt as a father.

Oscillating between these roles of femininity and masculinity, I meditate on what roles I align with.

What roles do I desire?

As I shed the physical material on my body, I also discard the barriers within my mind.

In this state, I conducted my weekly testosterone shot - a ritual I would let go for the sake of pregnancy.

The whole piece is silent.

I did not have my cochlear implants on, so I heard absolutely nothing onstage.

I remember wondering if others could hear me cry even though I could not, myself.

Exploring what biological pregnancy might mean to me.

This is an experience owned by many, not solely cisgender women.

My fullest heart to Puppies Puppies for curating this piece.

I processed.

I cried.

I processed.

We sold out, immensely grateful for all the support.